27+ Hours

As of last Friday, Blake hasn't been begging or asking for mommy's milk-milks. No tantrums while signing for milk! When Blake would use his sign language for "milk," he would usually want to nurse off of me.

I tried introducing him to sippy cups, straw cups, and open cups here and there and none of them worked. He chose to stop using bottles around 6 months and would only nurse off of me. I've since boxed up all of his hardly-used sippy cups, bottles, and straw cups and figured he'd just let me know when he's ready to ready to use them. No sense in taking up space in our kitchen.

image shared from: http://www.leahlive.com/

I recently saw the Lollacup and since it was on sale, I wanted to try it. I thawed out some breastmilk that has been taking up real estate in my freezer. Slightly warmed it up and put it in his Lollacup.

WINNNNNN!

He drank the whole 6 ounces. 

Since then, we've put some juice and water mixes, breastmilk, and breastmilk and milk mixes in the little straw cup. He's taken them all. He doesn't necessarily take it when I ask him to, but if I leave it out for him to see he'll reach up on the table to grab it and just chug it all!

The fact that he's actually using it, and willingly is AWESOME!

We still nurse here and there but nowhere near as often. Over the weekend, he actually went 27+ hours without nursing off of me. (That hurt, seriously... I was engorged.) 

The only semi-issue I have with the Lollacup is that it's not spill-proof. But even with the other leaky and non-spill-proof cups we've tried, this is the only one that is a winner for my little guy. He can tilt it forward, right, left, and back and he can still drink out of it. The straw is weighted so it goes where it needs to in the cup in order to stay under the liquid. So when Blake is walking or dancing, he can still drink!

Some parents would hate to have a cup that isn't spill-proof but me? I personally love it. Blake isn't too messy and we always have a change of clothes anyway. The fact that he is drinking by himself is good enough for me. 

I think it helps that he loves birds and the cup kind of looks like a little bird. ;) So cute!

And since Friday, we now have TWO Lollacups. Thinking of investing in one more so I don't have to keep washing right after he finishes one.

So proud of him.

Music for Mommies

All day long, from the moment Blake wakes up to the time he sleeps I sing him songs or we listen to his toddler tunes while we're around the house. I'm constantly talking to him and talking about what we're doing to (hopefully) help him communicate better as he learns to speak.

Maybe that's why my taste in music has changed? Instead of jamming out to my usual hip hop, dance, or pop music, I found that I'd rather turn the radio onto the "easy listening" station. Instrumentals. No words. Nada. Just soft music of songs my parents used to listen to.

"Nothing's Gonna Change my Love For You."

"Somewhere Out There."

"Taking a Chance on Love."

Who have I become?!

Do any other mommies happen to be going through this? I mean, I love my "old" type of music from my pre-Blake days but at the end of the day, to help me unwind I'd rather listen to music with no words with a soft tempo. I just can't stand a lot of noise anymore.

Lab Work

Blake's pediatrician noticed an abnormality in his blood test from his heel prick when he was just a wee wittle bebe. They sent us to the lab when he was 3 weeks old to get more blood squeezed out of his tiny little heel. But they needed more... so the next week, at just a month old, they had to withdraw blood from his arm. My poor helpless darling boy... I will never forget that. I felt so terrible. After just 4 weeks with me, it was like I was torturing him on that cold, paper covered table with the nurses pinning him down to take his blood.

I cried.

And guess what? That didn't even satisfy his doctors.

They wanted to run more tests but decided that it'll be best to wait until he's about a year old.

So his one year check-up came and went and his pediatrician gave us a lab order to get his blood drawn again. Oy...

I delayed it for a month and a half until I was mentally ready and his dad was able to come with us to the appointment. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold him down by myself.

We got to the lab and Blake was so polite to all of the other patients. He waved hello, smiled, flirted, and shared his toys with the other kids. But when they called his name for us to take him back, his body got stiff. Like he knew what was about to go down!

I sat my little guy in my lap and kissed him on his forehead. I said "I'm sorry, baby, but this is because we want to do everything we can to make sure you're nice and healthy." My heart started racing...

I pulled out our iPad and let him watch some Sesame Street while the phlebotomist prepared the tubes, needle, and all. She put the tourniquet on and found his vein. He was already screaming. Thankfully, she only had to prick him once and the blood started flowing out. He filled up two and a half tubes until the order was fulfilled. My baby was screaming so bad that no sound was coming out. And I was the one holding him down this time. Ugh... Terrible... Terrible, terrible, terrible.

We finished up and stayed for a few minutes so I could nurse him and comfort him. Mommy's milk-milks seem to heal all. But throughout the day he kept holding his arm and would suddenly cry. Hopefully we won't have to go through that again.

And we pray that everything turns out ok with his blood results this time.

Heavy Hearted

This morning was not the best morning.

Blake woke up in a great mood. Smiling, affectionate, and playful.

But when it was time to go down for his nap, when he was obviously tired, he threw a fit. Screamed like there was no tomorrow. I started to get a headache from him screaming about 45 minutes into his meltdown. I kept singing to him. I tried to nurse him. I tried to feed him. I laid with him. I changed his diaper while he tried to squirm away from me. I turned on his favorite song. I tried to dance with him. I turned the TV onto his favorite show.

But he was still crying.

What was wrong with my baby? What was wrong with me?! Why couldn't I soothe him?!

Another hour later...

He was still crying. Not screaming as much, but he was crying.

I was on the verge of taking him to the hospital.

I needed help. I started to get frustrated... flustered... upset... exhausted...

And it was only 10 am.

How could I make him feel better? Was he hurting? Was he hungry and too upset to eat? I didn't get it. I couldn't figure it out.

I'm not a follower of the cry-it-out method. Just my own personal choice. I'm here for my baby. I don't want him to go through anguish...

But that morning... I had to let him cry for a few minutes without me. If I didn't, I know I would have exploded. And he didn't need that. Something was wrong and it was my fault for not being able to figure it out. I needed to step away. I put him in his crib and I walked into my bedroom. And cried... balled... broke down. Blake was still screaming...

What was I missing? What wasn't clicking? What was wrong with my little angel?

I felt like the worst mother ever. But... at the same time... I felt like I didn't deserve to be his mother, or a mother at all. I was so short with him before I put him down and that's when I knew I needed to just breathe for a minute.

I walked back into his room and crouched down in front of him in his crib, my expression showing my exhaustion and pain I'm sure. I looked at him through the rails of his crib and asked what was going on... why was this happening? He paused (as if he really understood but couldn't get any words out) and sniffled the saddest sob I've ever heard in my life.

I picked him up and went back to my bed to try laying with him again.

I prayed aloud. I asked for His guidance and help to mold me into a mother that Blake needed. I cried again. My heart felt so heavy...

But after that prayer Blake stopped crying. He sniffled. The sad kind of sniffle... where you can't control it and you have those short bursts of quick breaths. Then fell asleep. Almost two and a half hours after he first started crying... My sweet boy...

How do some moms do it all? Cook, clean, care for seven kids, actually make what's on their Pinterest board, wear skinny jeans, and still have smile plastered on their face? I try but I can't. I try soooo hard. So hard it hurts.

When Blake woke up, it was like nothing happened. He didn't seem like he was in pain. He wasn't crying and was no longer sniffling. I hugged him and embraced us just being together. We played and got ready to go about our day. I just... I don't know if... I just don't know if I'm doing what I need to do. I only want to be the best mother for him. But times like that, I get drained... and honestly quite scared. Am I really a mother to this amazing little boy? How is it possible to love him so much and not be able to comfort him? Ugh...

I guess I'll just be starting over tomorrow, hoping for a better day.

He's asleep (hopefully for the night) now... and I still can't get this morning out of my head. :/

Legends of the Summer

I was surprised with tickets to the Legends of the Summer concert last night for an early birthday present. I nearly cried when I was told I had tickets. In a matter of seconds, I was ecstatic, confused, and upset because my joy turned into "are you effing with me?" lol I needed to hear it again...

Call me a groupie, a nerd, a silly little girl but I've been to every concert that Justin Timberlake has held in the MD/DC area. Even when he was still in *NSYNC. lol! I was so upset when I found out about the August 8th show he was having with Jay-Z in Baltimore because I knew I couldn't find a sitter for Blake.

But his dad did. He set up a sitter and got me tickets to see probably the greatest performance ever!

Such a wonderful surprise!

the crowd lit up the stadium for the last song
dedicated to Trayvon Martin

I was on my feet all night, jammin' out to my boys on stage! I was in another world. I couldn't comprehend what was happening. My body was rockin'. My arms were waving in the air. I whipped my hair back and forth. I screamed like a little girl! Were JT and Jay-Z really on stage?!! Here?! In Baltimore?!! *dyingggggggg*

I didn't take many pictures. Didn't have service. And I didn't care. I knew my son was in good hands but I needed this. I needed Jay-Z and JT in my life. I needed to be in this world for a night!

A huge smile was stuck on my face from the moment they got on stage. I got blisters from standing and dancing last night! Didn't sit down for even a second. But I can't even be mad.... I just saw the LEGENDS of the summer. *swooooon*

The concert ended around 11:30 but I didn't get home until after 1 am. And Blake was still awake. Apparently he refused to sleep. He wasn't crying or cranky... but he was waiting. Just waiting for mommy to get home. Once I laid down with him, it was a wrap. He passed out in two seconds flat.

I still can't believe how amazing the show was last night. I just can't believe it!

A Beautiful Day Spent with Beautiful Friends

It was absolutely gorgeous weather yesterday!

Blake hasn't been to many playdates lately because he was teething and cranky and then I got sick and then... I got lazy. LOL! Whoops...

So we got the chance to meet up with Blake's BFF, Max, and his wonderful mommy, Stephanie, at the park!

Yesterday was just the most perfect day to be out and about. We visited Centennial Park for the first time. The playground in the South park is AWESOME! By far my favorite park in the area (so far).

image credit: Stefani Chung

image credit: Stefani Chung

Centennial Park South has a foam padded playground, a calm walking trail, and shaded picnic tables to where you can post up. Blake is walking now so it was a whole new type of experience for him. He can finally explore without me.

He loves climbing on stairs and then going back down. He tries to chase the older kids but since he's not fast enough, he just reaches his arm out as they run by and/or smiles at them when they make eye contact. He is all about rollin' with the big dawgs. :-P

There were signs around the park that advertise their Summer Serenades on Wednesday nights. It's free to get in so I'm hoping to catch one concert before it's too late. Blake's dad and I always enjoyed live music and now it's so wonderful learning that Blake loves live music, too! He claps, dances, and sways to the music. Click here for more information on the summer concert series.

image credit: Stefani Chung

After some time at the park, we took the boys out for a quick lunch. I don't know if playing in the sunshine just made Blake really hungry or if seeing his buddy, Max, eat motivated him... but he ate! He hasn't been into any meats lately but he ate some chicken nuggets. He had some fries and even drank some milk from a straw! Usually Blake just eats veggies, fruits, some rice and maybe some cheese ravioli. Man... we totally need to hang out with Max and older friends more so Blake can see how it's done. ;-)

14 Months

image credit:// Bitsy Baby Photography

In the past month, Blake had two teeth pop on out (totaling 8 altogether), he found the confidence to walk, he night weaned with me, and started sleeping about 7-8 hours at night without waking to drink milk!

My heart is bursting with golden rays of sunshine! I was able to reconnect with my long lost friend, Sleep. Oh, Sleep has been so wonderful to me in the past when we were young and hadn't a care in the world. But since I was pregnant until just this month, we've lost touch. Having Sleep back in my life has been a different kind of blessing. I haven't felt this wonderful in so long! I wake up in the morning and just feel so refreshed. Revived. Renewed! Oh, it's absolutely terrific!

Besides that, you read it right up there ^^^ . Blake learned how to walk! He's still slow moving but he practices everyday and his confidence just keeps getting better and better. His little legs are doing some work to get from point A to point B to point C. It's adorable. He's been taking steps here and there for the past two months but one night he just decided to get up and walk to Elmo on the TV.

Blake's dad and I took him to Sesame Place the other week to celebrate his big milestone. Blake certainly enjoyed it more than Disneyland. Not sure if it's because he was only 10 months when we went to Disney or if he just knows who Elmo, Bert & Ernie, Cookie Monster, and all of their Sesame friends are. He was a little hesitant about the cold water shooting from the sprinkler and splash parks but he was totally diggin' the kiddie wave pool! He kept walking towards Ernie and his rubber duckie that were posted around the wave pool. My heart nearly melted from all of the joy. I would post pictures BUT I forgot to charge my camera battery before we got to the park. Don't worry... we ended up getting season passes sooooo I'll be taking Blake back.

He learned more signs since I last updated you. He knew how to sign "please" before but now he uses it when he wants something. And if he wants something really bad, he rubs his chest to sign for "please" REALLY hard. lol!

The cutest one yet is "love". He crosses his little arms across his chest like he's folding his arms. I die every time. Sometimes when he wakes up next to me in the morning, he signs "love" and holds my face to pull me towards him and kisses me. :')

He is also learning how to act out the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song. He can't quite get his fingers to do that funny motion but he puts his pointer fingers together and moves them. I'm trying to get him to at least put a thumb and a pointer finger together because his "Itsy Bitsy Spider" action is too close to the sign for "hurt".

Seeing this boy grow is an amazing joy everyday.

I guess since he's walking now, he's officially a toddler? Oh boy...