It's Time - Part II

If you haven't read Part I yet, just click here if you're interested and want to get up to speed. ;-)

By the time BD and I arrived at the hospital, I was already 5 centimeters dilated and I had been feeling pressure waves for about 14 hours already. Nothing major, just tightening in my belly. I gottttt this...

I called my doula to tell her we were staying and I had a room. She lived fairly close to the hospital so she arrived shortly after. Seeing her with her magic rolling storage case of goodies to help with my birthing time felt silly so I ignored the storage case and gave her a big hug. BD, my doula, and me were all laughing and telling jokes. Then I finally decided... it was time to tell our families that we were in the hospital. I wanted to hold off as long as possible but the pressure waves were bearable and I started to get a little bored.

I thought, maybe we should have waited longer...

But my doula, my wonderful wonderful doula, started to massage my back while I sat on a birthing ball. And it was like her counter-pressure almost made my pressure waves disappear. Ohhhhhh, that felt nice! 

She showed BD how to apply the pressure on my back and he followed suit.

After about an hour or so, I started to feel the tightening of my tummy muscles more and there was more pressure on my lower back. I've had lower back problems for years since I was in a car accident so I'm sure that played a part in the discomfort.

I decided I wanted to get in the shower and just let the hot water run down my back. The nurses wanted to check on me but my doula held them off. BD and my doula angel stayed in the bathroom with me to make sure I was still comfortable. They both repeated our Hypnobabies scripts while playing the birthing time track. It was definitely comforting and quite peaceful. At one point, I remember the nurses slightly opening the door to the bathroom just to make sure I was really ok. I smiled and said I felt lovely. :-) They praised me for my effort and positivity and quite honestly, I LOVED THEM FOR THAT! I absolutely adored my nurses. I told them what I wanted and they tried as much as they could to follow through with my birthing time requests.

I wasn't sure how much time passed but I felt hungry. While I was still sitting on my birthing ball in the shower with hot water running down my back, my doula saved me by bringing energy gel packs. I had no idea what they were until she showed me and frankly, I didn't care... I just wanted to eat something. We kept sneaking in a few gel bites here and there just to keep me alert and satisfied.

Then my doctor came. I don't want to get into the details of her checking my progress, but I will tell you that I progressed to eight centimeters.

Awesome!!

Only two more to go!

Back to the shower...

Same routine. Hypnobabies. Hot water. Energy gel bites. And peaceful scripts. I wanted no interferences. I was good. I felt good. I wanted to meet my son...

Then the doctor came back and she broke my water because apparently I stayed at eight centimeters and two hours had passed. She told me the rule of thumb is a centimeter every hour.

But something inside of me got scared. I felt like my water should have remained intact until I felt like I was ready. I wanted to be in control of my body and what happened to my body. My baby was about to be here and all I wanted was to do it on my own (with BD and my doula supporting me).

Another hour or so later, my doctor came back to check on me and I was no longer at eight centimeters.

I went back down to five.

What the...?! I didn't even know that was possible!

Apparently, my son shifted after she broke my water and on top of that, his head was "too big". 

I asked to wait another hour before they did anything else to me. I felt the pressure waves coming on stronger and stronger and... this may be TMI but like I said before, you're the one that chose to read a blog about a new mom and a baby. This is my birthing story soooo... back to what I was saying... it felt stronger and I felt like I had to sh*t. Yes, I needed to use the word sh*t because it was waaaay more serious than the feeling of just a small poop. :P

My doctor agreed and let me try to work it out on my own. She came back in exactly an hour. No progress. My cervix was swollen and I stayed at five centimeters.

Epidural came next. I was so disappointed. I felt so empowered and wonderful thinking I was going to meet my son without any drugs. I cried... I cried a lot. I hugged BD and hugged my doula and just wanted to feel loved. This was definitely not how I wanted this memory to be... 

My doula wiped away my tears. BD stayed close to me for comfort. He continued to recite the Hypnobabies scripts to keep me thinking positive.

When the hospital staff came in to give me epidural, they explained to BD that he shouldn't watch. And like telling a child not to touch a hot stove, he did the opposite of what he was told. He looked. Eyes wide open. Since I couldn't move while they were doing it, my doula massaged BD and assured him I was in good hands. She asked BD to get a drink of water and stay hydrated to keep him from passing out. That was nice of her to take care of him.

So the epidural kicked in and I chose to just lay in bed with the lights dimmed. It was must have been late because it was pitch black outside my window and BD's eyes were getting heavy. I held my doula's hand, BD stayed by my bedside, and I silently cried myself to sleep.

Some time later, the doctor came back in and checked on things... I was STILL at five centimeters. She gave me Pitocin to try and see if it would help open things up again. An hour later... nothing.

1:00 am the next morning, June 5th, 2012

Doc came back...

She put me on the list for the Operating Room. I would be the next mom admitted.

She explained that at that point, I needed to have a C-section. My cervix was too swollen, my son didn't budge, and my water was already broken for longer than she would recommend.

The nurses prepped me for the operation. BD was told to change into scrubs. The two nurses I had assured me I was in good hands. They kept telling me how proud they were of my determination and love for my son. They were very uplifting.

2:30 am

I was rolled into the Operating Room. It was cold and white. Not very welcoming, but how welcoming did I really expect it to be? They moved my body from the labor bed to the operating table. Then they strapped me down. I couldn't stop shivering. I had no control of my body. BD was nervous because I was shaking so bad that my teeth were chattering very loud. I was still crying on the table. I heard him ask the nurse if I was ok... If I needed anything... If she could get me a blanket. And she did. A nice, warm and toasty blanket. But I was still shivering. They said it was from the anesthesia. 

A blue cloth hung above me, covering my view from right under my armpits down. 

The nurses told BD not to look past the cloth. After the epidural incident, he did as he was told.

I felt a weird pressure down in my belly. Pulling. Pushing. Squeezing. No pain... but definitely lots going on down there.

Not too long after all the commotion in my belly stopped, I heard what love sounded like.

My baby was crying! My son was here! The doctor exclaimed, "3:07 am, June 5th, 2012."

I became a mother.

They brought my baby around and let me see him. The nurse brought him right next to my face. More tears came flowing but this time, they immediately changed from disappointment to incredibly happy tears!

They took him and BD followed to get him cleaned up, and get all of his vitals. I could hear him crying while I was still strapped down on the table. Then they brought him back before BD left with him into the recovery room to wait for me.

I'm not sure how much time passed after that but I got to the recovery room, and there they were... BD and our son. BD couldn't stop staring at him and if I didn't show up in the room, I'm sure he wouldn't have put him down. I asked the nurse to help me get my son so we could do to skin-to-skin and she did as soon as I finished asking. She helped me get him to latch. It was absolutely beautiful. I don't think I could ever forget how happy I was in that moment.

My birthing plan was thrown out the window, but my son was healthy and safe. And I was breastfeeding him. So you know what, screw the birthing plan. I had my son with me. That's all that mattered!

While Hypnobabies helped me during my birthing time, and even during my last trimester of pregnancy, I guess I just had to learn that things happen. Life doesn't go the way you plan. It happens the way it's just going to happen and it's absolutely freaking beautiful!