Feelings.

Prior to Blake, I was a Project Manager. Working full-time and loving the office environment. I worked as a PM in the I.T. field and also in the construction field. Both very opposite but the project management aspect was very similar. Managing projects.

I learned a lot. A lot about the I.T. industry. A lot about construction. A lot about time management. A lot about product delivery and customer service. And a lot about people.

I loved it.

Oh man, I truly loved it. I loved the feeling of having something to do, of being busy, of being needed. I enjoyed spending quality time with my teammates and stopping for a happy hour after work to reward ourselves for getting through another tough day.

I never, ever thought I'd be a stay-at-home-mom. When I used to dream of having children, I thought I'd still be a working mom.

But now I am the mom I never dreamed of being. Once Blake was born, I felt the absolute most rewarding feeling. The labor pains? Hardest work I've ever done. Not sleeping for over a year and being "on call" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? I accept the challenge! Listening to a toddler throw tantrums all day? My hearing abilities have adapted so I can automatically lower down the volume in my head. No sick days? Fine.

My world has completely flipped and I've been upside down for 20 months now. Taking it one day at a time.

I worked part-time from home last year and I'm also nannying, but it's nothing like what I used to do.

I applied for a Project Management position yesterday...

And I cried. Who does that? I didn't even get a call back to interview but I spoke with the hiring director and sent my resumé in.

I was thinking of why I broke down like that. And after sleeping it off, I think it's because my heart just yearns to be with Blake right now. I love my new "job" too much. My responsibilities and job description have changed tremendously but... that's it... I LOVE IT. I can't imagine him being in a daycare setting for nine hours a day (yet). Maybe when he can communicate a little more?

So why did I apply for a FT out-of-home job? Because I know family and "friends" and just people around us ask what I do all day? They ask what I contribute to the table for my family.

I shouldn't have to explain myself. I work hard. I'm up at 6 am every day, even on weekends, to make sure my family has everything they need for the day. I nanny from home and entertaining and caring for two kids versus one can be a challenge. And they NEVER nap at the same time. :-P

image captured by HeartLove Photography

My passion is to explore this new world with my son and continue to feed our relationship with love. To think about all that he knows and all that he does came from me is just... amazing. I taught him. And I will gladly continue to teach him for as long as I can. He is my reason...