Night Weaning... Ouch!

So the weaning from night nursing is going really well. Thank goodness!

Other breastfeeding mamas warned me that it would hurt to skip feedings and I never really paid much attention to what they said. I figured, just like everything else, I would experience it and learn.

After that first night of skipping night nursings, I woke up leaking everywhere... I haven't experienced that since Blake was first born. I was so full that I even thought about pumping again and just donating the milk like I've done before.

There were hard lumps around my milk-milks, all the way up to my underarms. It felt like I was bruised all over my chest area. Like someone just beat me.

As soon as Blake woke up that morning, I was next to him and ready to feed. I needed the milk out but knew that if I pumped it out, I would just continue telling my body that it needed to make more. And that's the total opposite of what I wanted. I mean, I want to donate milk again and loved being able to provide so much, but I know my upcoming schedule won't allow me to take so much time to pump.

Of course, he didn't drink much once he woke up so I was still super full. I ended up putting cabbage leaves in my bra that morning because I read that it can reduce milk production and the cold leaves honestly just felt good. Like an ice pack. ;)

That first day after skipping night feedings was terrible. I could hardly carry Blake...

But each night has gotten better. Almost two weeks later and I have no soreness and it doesn't bother me at all.

I still nurse him during the day time so we get plenty of quality time, comfort, and milk to fill him up. And I'm a much happier mommy now that I don't have to worry about rushing to our bed every time he wakes up in the middle of the night to feed him.

He Gon' Learn Tonight

For a few weeks now, I've been having a bit of trouble breastfeeding Blake so much during the night. He hasn't changed his "routine"... I think it my just my mentality. Or my exhaustion?

This picture has nothing to do with this post but I thought it was cute... and recent. ;)

Since he was about 6 months or so, he would wake up every 2-3 hours at night to nurse. He'd scream and wail until he got mommy's milk-milks. He'd nurse for 5 minutes and then go back to sleep. But sometimes, he'd stay latched on and suckle like I was his pacifier... for up to 45 minutes.

I've been feeling upset, frustrated, and just tired every time I think about it. We co-sleep, so it's really no problem just turning to my side to nurse him real quick. It's become second-nature. But... I don't know. Something inside of me was just feeling fed-up.

I finally voiced my concern about the night nursing and my own mental health to Blake's dad. It can't be healthy to feel this way. I love breastfeeding. I really do. I am so proud of Blake and I working together to make it this far in our nursing relationship. I just... I don't know... I guess you could say I started to feel a little resentment because I was jealous that "everyone else" gets to sleep through the night.

I'm not sure who "everyone else" is... but I just felt bad for myself and I KNEW that couldn't be healthy for Blake.

I even reached out to my out-of-town cousins to help me wean him. I know they all have more experience than I do, but really... I just wanted support. I can't let Blake just cry-it-out. That's my not parenting style. I feel like letting him cry it out just causes resentment on his end and I break the trust we've established.

Blake's dad was out of town when I expressed how I felt. And then after I told him I felt terrible for saying that aloud. I couldn't believe it. Who was this person that just took over and made me say such sad words?!

So that night I decided to change my mentality and I would just try to soothe him another way instead of night nursing. It doesn't have to be a hard transition. Blake and I started this past Saturday night. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, I sing to him and pat his back and give him snuggles. And believe it or not, in about 3 minutes, he went back to sleep!!

That was easy. I guess he was just ready for it, too. It was a matter of time and letting him figure things out on his own.

Two hours later, he woke up again and we did the same thing. A couple rounds of "Rockabye Baby" and a few pats on the back and he was back to sleep. It worked?! Just like that?! He doesn't need milk-milk?!

Yup!

It's been 6 nights and he still wakes up in the middle of the night but he doesn't scream and cry for milk anymore. His dad is trying to be more involved during his nightly wake-ups so now he sings or hums in my place. And it works. Thank the moon and the stars, it works!

This is the just the beginning but I feel like we're on the right track to sleeping through the night. I'm still trying to get him on the sippy cup but he prefers an open cup instead. He doesn't drink as much but at least he's testing the waters and not totally refusing it anymore.

Step 1: Complete. Onto step 2... Getting on that sippy cup!

Sunshine heals us

Blake and I are sick again.

He's been a trooper through it all, though. My little tough guy. A runny nose and cough for him. That... plus some for mommy.

Not letting it slow us down (much). At least I'm trying not to let it. We woke up around the same time we usually do. Had a little watermelon and then went out for a morning walk with Langston. I figured we all needed the fresh air and sunshine. I feel like that always helps heal whatever is wrong. We watched some birds, saw some bunnies, and played with Langston in the grass.

Had some breakfast and then Blake was ready for his morning nap. A little earlier than usual and I was totally OK with that.

We went to one of our local farmer's markets and picked up some fresh fruit for the week.

Then came home and played inside for the rest of the afternoon. It was too hot for me... and I didn't feel like getting in the pool with both of us being congested.

When he woke up from his afternoon nap, we played outside again. Blake was bold enough to go outside without pants. :-P Romped around in the grass, messed around with some finger paints, and waved to the airplanes.

All in all... another beautiful day with Blake. No big plans for us today so it was nice to just go with the flow and lounge around a little lazily on a Saturday.

Changes

I realize I haven't been posting as much lately. And I could easily pull the Mom Card here. But really, it's just summer. We've been busy playing outside in the sunshine. Summer is here and our pool is open!

Man oh man, this kid loves playing in the pool. He'll splash and play with his pool toys all day long if he could. I hold him up and he "swims" around the shallow end but he's also super happy when he's just playing on the pool stairs with the water jets.

since he turned one, he's become kind of a big deal! :P

We've been taking daily evening walks lately to try and start a new routine. After dinner, we walk as a family around the neighborhoods or at the park down the street and around the corner. Then we get home and it's bath time, story time, and bed time. We stray off of the routine every so often, but I try to make it a point for us to get outside.

Now that I've been taking Blake out more, he immediately expects to go outside once he wakes up. We change his diaper, change his clothes, and he stares at the pool from outside his window while he pulls out random toys from his toy box. Then we go downstairs to make breakfast and as we walk down the stairs, he points to the door and signs for "please". Ahhhh... this kid kills me! Too cute.

But instead, I let him play with his toys for a bit while I work on the computer and make breakfast. (I've recently found a new job that allows me to work from home the majority of the time... maybe I'll share more about that later.) After he feeds himself, we go outside.

Summer, sunshine, and smiles! That's what we've been up to lately and those are my reasons for not blogging as much. We have some fun stuff in the works though! Can't wait to share with you!

Celebration

Everyone warned me not to wait until the last minute to prepare for Blake's birthday party.

I promise I tried to listen and prepare in advance.

I made so many lists of what needed to be done the week of...

But that was all thrown out the window because we had a flood watch and just tons of rain the day before his POOL party. My poor father was out in the backyard trying to set up as much as he could in the pouring rain. Blake's dad took off the day before the party to help prepare but there was only so much we could actually do since everything needed to be set up outside.

Man... it felt like everything was going wrong the day before the party. It was pretty wacky.

So I decided my best bet was to sleep and cuddle up with Blake and just wake up super early the morning of to get ready.

Thankfully, my cousins from NY surprised us and arrived around 3 am (after being stuck in traffic for ten hours) the morning of his party day. They took naps and the three of them woke up bright and early to help set up. Without them, I don't know what I would've done! Blake woke up so needy that morning and he had to be attached to me. I guess he sensed the excitement and well, there was just a lot going on. They helped with EVERYTHING!

blake's moonbounce

Then more cousins came! And friends came early! And my parents both worked overnight shifts but when they came home, they immediately started setting up. It was so wonderful having such a loving and helpful family. Blake's first birthday party wouldn't have been what it was without all of the family and friends that helped.

we actually had a picture together // image credit: Wahler Photography

in the moonbounce // image credit: Wahler Photography

playing in the kiddie pool // image credit: Wahler Photography

cake and cake pops made by Delightful Indulgence

Guests started arriving and the weather was a little gloomy, some drizzles here and there. But at the end of the day, it was the best first birthday ever. Oh man, and the cake (and cake pops) were DELICIOUS!! I didn't think we would eat all of the cake, but we definitely did. I've never been to a party where the entire cake was enjoyed!

We were surrounded by so much love that day. We really are a blessed little family.

Just Like That... He Turned One!

My little Blake turned ONE yesterday!

I still can't believe he was this tiny...

My world has changed so much because of my little angel, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. He has taught me so much about myself, love, and life. We have been through so much this past year. It's seriously crazy seeing how big he has grown and how he developed such a fun personality.

We celebrated by going to MyGym and taking a two hour nap in the afternoon. We cake smashed after nap time. Then we went to the carnival with BD and his sister's family, and my brother's family. It was a blast! Truth...? It was the best carnival I've been to in a looooooong time! And we didn't even get a chance to grab funnel cake. ;-) I guess I have to go back... :-P

Note// Never cake smash with blue icing... unless you want a baby smurf! lol

Blake and I have done so much and accomplished a ton in 12 months. I'm so excited to see what's in store for us!

Mission: Completed

When I was pregnant, I kept telling myself my goal was to breastfeed for at least 12 months. My doula reminded me it would be a very tiring time but well worth it, and boy, it has been!

During the last 12 months, we've been through a lot with breastfeeding. Engorgement, leaks, and lots of scheduling around feedings and pumping sessions. I've supplied milk for my little man, stocked a reserve for him, and supplied for three other families. Since our vacation in April, I've slowed down on the pumping... and actually only pump when it gets really full.

But now that Blake is 12 months and we've reached that goal... what do we do now? Blake is used to napping and going down for night-night while nursing... and it doesn't look like he's going to stop any time soon. Before I was pregnant, I never pictured myself nursing a toddler. And now that he's turning one, I'm having mixed feelings about it.

I love breastfeeding him because we bond and play and giggle, and to be honest, most of the time it's just a whole lot easier than preparing a bottle. It's a lot cheaper than buying formula or milk, and my milk changes to suit his needs. No need to tote anything around except a few snacks and my breasts. But I kind of don't want him to be able to pull my shirt up/down while we're out and about and suck at the breast.

photo shared from http://www.needlessthingssite.com/

Do you watch Game of Thrones? I'm terrified of Blake becoming like the 5 or 6 or 7 year old nursing from his mom, Lysa Aryyn's breast and crying out "Mommy mommy! I'm hungry! I'm hungry NOW!" Not that there's anything wrong with that! It just doesn't personally suit me.

Plus... I'd love to have a glass of wine or go out for a night of fun once in awhile without worrying about the alcohol content in my milk totally limits that. Blake just isn't fond of the bottle and he doesn't drink as much from a sippy cup. That probably sounds a little selfish... but sometimes mommy just needs a break.

I think for now, I'll be trying to get him on the bottle and/or sippy cup with our frozen breastmilk and maybe just nurse him at night. Well, not right NOW, but you know... soon. I just feel so bad trying to force him to wean off the boob if he's just not ready. But at the same time... ugh... well, we'll see how it goes...